and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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