if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
