I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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