he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
