so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
