So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
