dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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