I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
