I think I died a long time ago.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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