I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
This baby is an asshole
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize