i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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