We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
