All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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