and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I want a musical about memes.
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