Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
