It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
