I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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