I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
