Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Why can't burritos get me drunk
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize