I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
