Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Randomize
