Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
