somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I am spending my child support on dildos
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
