Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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