wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
