There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
