Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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