it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
The beer is more important than you right now.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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