remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
