you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
