I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
