mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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