If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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