My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
