hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
