chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
