don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
