The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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