It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
