Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize