so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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