I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize