Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Randomize
