Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
