hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
a search helicopter?!
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Randomize
