so explain again why im purple
no
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Randomize
