That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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