Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Just puked most of my soul out..
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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