White coat. Heels.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
