ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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