haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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