well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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