Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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