Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
