Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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