Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize