She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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