just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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