In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
