just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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