Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize